There is no intimacy without honesty.
In every relationship there is a trust level. It always depends on how open or honest we have been with the each other.
Intimacy is not sex, although it makes for great sex in marriage because it deepens the trust bond between husband and wife.
Intimacy is not just for the marriage relationship. Intimacy can be found in any relationship.
Intimacy is trust. Trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. It’s having confidence and assurance in someone.
Trust requires honesty. Intimacy hinges on our being honest with the other person.
A lack of honesty will ensure a relationship stays at a surface level. A lack of trust will make sure the relationship never even gets off the ground.
Intimacy requires us to be brutally honest. Not a physical brutality, obviously, but being brutally honest: a willingness to tell the truth, the whole truth, holding nothing back. A willingness to be so honest about ourself, we risk having the other person thinking less of us because now they know us; really know our secret intimate thoughts, this is vulnerability.
Honesty forces vulnerability. When we are brutally honest, we put ourselves out there, on a limb, we are vulnerable. We find out if the other person is going to treat us rightly; treat the information they now have about us, rightly; hold our heart securely. Will they, with all confidentially, hold our heart safe and not judge us, and not talk about us behind our back, using our honesty against us?
Being vulnerable is very risky. We don’t really know how people will treat our heart, muchless what they will do with the information we are arming them with. Relationships are risky. Loving is risky. If in the past we’ve been mistreated and hurt by others, gossiped about, it can cause us to give less of ourselves in relationships because we want to safeguard ourselves. We stop being open and honest. This keeps relationships at a surface level.
Vulnerability brings the opportunity to build trust. Trust is only built between people when there is honesty and confidentiality and the confidence to know there will be no knee-jerk reactions, misjudgments, harsh judgements, or wrong interpretations of what we have shared from our heart.
How we carry a person’s heart says a lot about who we are. Do we quickly judge? Do we judge wrongly? Do we minimize? Do we marginalize? Do we keep confidences? Is that information now safe with us? Is that person feeling awkward around us? Does it feel like there is an elephant in the room?
Trust builds intimacy. Intimacy can be said IN-TO-ME-SEE. When we trust someone we can let them see what’s in our heart, safely and with confidence. We are not minding our P’s and Q’s. We are not trying to filter what we say incase they take it the wrong way. We can simply show them our heart; we can be honest. We drop the usual formalities that are normally used to keep people at a safe distance.
Intimacy is required for discipleship. Very little discipleship happens outside of a close relationship. We don’t create disciples by preaching messages week after week in our churches. Preaching is communication that is one directional. There is a speaker and hearer, only. Relationships have two-way communication. Surface relationships will produce surface disciples, surface followers. No depth. To truly disciple someone, there has to be close proximity, and honest communication in both directions. Openness and honesty is required every time.
Intimacy is a two-way street. It requires both people to be communicating, honestly, openly, knowing both parties are valued; this communicates sincerity of love.
And it’s not just people… Jesus wants us to have a deep and intimate relationship with him that is two-way. It’s not just us praying prayers every now and then, but allowing Him to communicate back to us. It’s called commune. Commune means to share life together, and to communicate or share intense and profound things and feelings with each other.
It’s good to know we can trust Jesus. We can trust Him with our innermost thoughts. We should confess some of them, because we need help to overcome some of our wrong thinking. This renews our mind, and it brings everything out into the open before Jesus. It is how we start to live in His light. When we keep things hidden or unconfessed before Jesus, we are limiting our relationship with Him, John 3:19-21. But we can trust Him. He knows everything anyway. It does our heart good to talk freely and openly with Jesus. He desires intimacy with us. It deepens our relationship with Him.
Jesus heals, restores, and builds up that essential and deepest part of who we are when we willingly open ourselves to Him. He desires Truth in the inner most parts, Psalm 51:6. But we have to first bring Him into the inner most part of who we are, by allowing Him full access, being completely honest with Him.
And the level of intimacy we build with Jesus will always be reflected in the levels of intimacy we build with people, how open we are to relationship with others, how willing we are to trust and love others. A right relationship with Jesus ensures, we are growing in right relationship with others.
Intimacy and honesty with Jesus, always leads us to intimacy and honesty with people.