It is possible to love someone but not trust them.
Love and trust get lumped together and it can get confusing because they co-exist;and we want them to co-exist!
Sadly, many of us have heard things like, “If you really loved me, you would trust me.” This is a wrong expectation. It’s emotional manipulation. Love does not guarantee trust; it should never guarantee trust.
I love my three-year-old little girl. She’s beautiful. I want to give her the world but I would be stupid to hand her the car keys and say, “OK, take it for spin”. She doesn’t have the size to see over the dashboard, she doesn’t have the physical or mental maturity, she would wreck the car.
I have a six-year-old boy and I love him. He wants to make his breakfast in the mornings. He puts the cereal in his bowl. He gets the milk from the fridge and pours it into the bowl; then keeps pouring and pouring and pouring. Milk is everywhere. He’s not quite got the skills he needs to keep it in the bowl, much less clean up his mess.
Then, there is my eight-year-old son. He’s a big boy. I love him. He has a Nintendo DS Lite. I constantly find expensive DS parts left all over the house, in my washing machine, in my car and even in the backyard. He is showing me he is not yet responsible enough for bigger more expensive electronic toys.
As my kids grow I will trust them with more as they show me they can handle it.
It’s no different in the adult world. We can love people and be totally accepting of them but it is unwise to trust people based upon our love for them.
People need to show maturity, some skills, capabilities, or certain capacities. People need to be responsible before we trust them. They need to show they can keep confidences and not gossip, that they have the ability to handle information—especially if it’s delicate. People need to show they are loyal.
We should be instant in our love and acceptance of people but understand that trust is something that grows.
Believing the best in people we should generously allow them opportunities to build trust with us. We should also show ourselves trustworthy.
The Trust series:
1. What is trust?
2. A lack of trust
3. Trust is tangible
4. Trust and suspicion
5. A track record of trust
6. Love does not guarantee trust
7. Burden of trust
8. The transparency of trust
9. 10 ways to build trust
10. 10 things that promote low trust